I've been posting a lot lately about what I want. I spent a few days online {window} shopping while I was sick, thinking about all of the pretty things I need. I was walking home from the subway the other night around 7:30pm & a man approached me on Lexington Avenue, snapping me back into reality. I tend to walk pretty fast, & I more or less kept walking when the man said Excuse Me? Can you please buy me a sandwich?
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I said No, I'm sorry.
I told Mike a few days later that I just can't believe that I said no. All he wanted was a sandwich. I had enough cash in my wallet to buy him several- A meal worth about 1/39th of a silver bracelet that I think I need. I sort of felt sick about when I was walking home. I get asked for money on a daily basis. I see countless numbers of homeless people to & from my way to work. I generally placate the tugging on my heartstrings by remembering that I pay my tithing or something else reasonable. But I just couldn't help feeling the other night that maybe, just maybe, I was where I was at the time that I was because this man just really needed someone to buy him a meal. I firmly believe that I have the ability to act as an instrument of God, & I couldn't help but feel like I had failed terribly.
.But here's the problem. I live in a really big city, where unfortunately, bad things happen to good people. When I said No, I'm sorry, I envisioned walking to a nearby shop & pulling out my wallet, only to have this man grab it & run away. Or perhaps he would find my address & ransack my apartment. Or worse yet, he would pull a gun out & put it to my head. The options, once you start thinking about them, are limitless.
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Point being, it's hard to be a compassionate person in New York sometimes. It's hard to make the judgement call. It's never financially based, but more safety based. It's easy to become desensitized by the amount of poverty seen, but does that mean that I become compassionless?
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I've spent the last 2 1/2 years in Manhattan trying to decide how to I should handle the countless requests for change, the pleas on the subway for something to eat, the child performers who do back flips on the subway while it's moving. I was walking down Wall Street one morning, just outside of our apartment, when I saw a homeless man begging for money. I paused, gave him a bag of carrot sticks I had in my bag {I assumed he was hungry}, & kept walking. A few seconds later, I felt a thud on my head & turned around to see that this man to whom I had tried to be charitable, had thrown the bag of carrots at me. He wanted money he said, cash. I haven't given food away since.
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I don't really have a point, except sometimes the judgement calls are really hard. Sometimes I give a dollar to the man walking through the subway asking for money, & other times, I say No, I'm sorry.
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This last time though, I really wish I would have just bought him a sandwich.
4 comments:
That is a really tough call. You could probably go back and forth all day on what to do. I dont envy that aspect of living in a big city. I like your idea of carrying around some food. I can't believe the man threw the carrots at you though. Even if he doesn't like carrots- throwing them at the giver? seriously. He could just put them in the trash.
I completely understand!
For a yw project when I was 17, I took bags of healthy groceries to several homeless men/women in New Orleans. There was a variety of reactions including a woman kneeling down, reapeating "God bless you," and a man throwing the entire bag away (without even looking inside) right in front of me.
We got asked for spare change constantly in Boston. Brad and I decided to try to always carry cash so that we could give without judgement.
I know that I've said "no" too many times.
I think safety is VERY important. I think we need to be wise about how we react. But I also believe that we can never know enough to assume. My theory is if you can and it seems like a good idea (safe, etc.) then I do it. Without wondering what's going to come of it..
I love that you're being thoughtful and sensitive about this. No worries about not buying the sandwich. Maybe just choose to buy it next time.
[Could you carry $1 bills in a pocket or outside zipper so that you're not pulling out a whole wallet??]
If you think about it, this idea of giving without judging applies to so much more! (Homosexuality, poverty, forgiveness, etc..).
I have always wondered about giving people money as well.. are they going to spend it on the right things or just to get drugs or alcohol? I don't remember who said it but if you do give its the giving that will count not what they do with it. I have always thought about it if I lived in a beggar place and thought that I would get some gift cards to subway or someplace and give then that instead. then they are able to get a meal if they need it or maybe pass it on if they only wanted the cash (most of the cards you cant get money back for just the food)
I also agree with keeping some change or bills in a separate place so that you don't have to take out your wallet or they think thats all that you have or something.. Sorry you felt guilty.
Oh man, I go through this daily battle as well and it's rough. Before moving to Manhattan I had the rule that I would never walk by someone begging without giving them a least something, but you just can't do that here, for all the reasons you've listed. I hate to see myself get hardened in thinking how by giving them money it just encourages them to keep asking for it, because it's obviously working. The main reason I don't give is for safety.
However, I did have an experience once somewhat like your carrots....a man was giving his shpeel on the subway and something just kept telling me to give him a dollar, so I decided to open up my wallet. I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was watching me, so when I noticed all I had was $20s, I said to myself (knowing he was watching) "Oh shoot, I don't have any cash." (He wasn't close enough to actually see that I had $20s.) His response? Calling me and explicitive. Nice.
Anyway, I wish I had a better answer. I do feel so incredibly guilty and every now and then give to people, but it's such a tough topic.
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