Across the street.

The funny thing is that when we purchased our home, we didn't really even care that much that there was a park right across the street. I mean, I'm sure we knew that eventually it would probably be nice, but when we were deciding between a few homes we didn't really even bring the park into the decision making process. We clearly have so much to learn, but we still had a little baby who wasn't really a  mobile human being quite yet, so it just wasn't in our sphere of reality. And now, we're like OH MY GOSH there's the park 50 feet from our front door. And there's a lake & ducks & grass & swings that are basically always open, plus lots of fresh air for those days - like the other day - when it was cold & rainy & the walls were closing in on us. We made a break for it when the skies cleared up a bit, & it was good for all three of us. 

This boy (mostly) loves to swing. 

It's okay if this makes you cry (buckets).

The sweetest video from the sweetest friend.

Quinn's rescue mission.

(Quinn's due date was September 26th. He gave us a nice little surprise by showing up 10 days early, but I think today will still always hold a tiny bit of significance for us.)

His new favorite thing is cruising around the perimeter of rooms. He'll grab onto anything that he can - walls, shelves, chairs, his crib, boxes - whatever can give him a little bit of support. He was doing laps around his room this morning (dresser - window - crib - door - wall - closet - wall - a little help from mama & repeat) when he suddenly decided that he HAD to rescue Donkey & Puppy (a recent adoption) from his crib. He reached & pulled & squealed when he couldn't get them out on his own. And then - just as quickly - he moved on to something else with equal fervor & passion. His blocks maybe? No. My camera. Of course. That's what it was. He'll play with my camera for 30 minutes straight (closely supervised) if I allow it. Anyone have a broken SLR that they'd like to donate to Quinn's toy box? Pretty sure he won't accept a fake, but he doesn't require that it actually take photos.

Look at poor Donkey, stuck in the crib, totally forsaken by his small friend.

The swings.

Hi.

My brother Patrick will not read any of this post because there are TOO MANY WORDS!!

My heart has been plagued by homesickness this week. I don't think it's been for any reason in particular, but I've felt a little bit heavy. You know what hasn't helped? Instagram. Seeing all of the pretty NYC photos from friends every day. Or knowing that my really great brother in law is in New York with my amazing friend (who he is dating, hooray!) and we're not there. Also! Fall! Texas apparently doesn't have it. The plus side is that Q & I went to the pool a few times last week & lounged around in our swimsuits in 90˚ weather. We could really, really get used to the warm. The down side is that I'm pretty sure that winter in Houston is like 3 weeks long, & it won't hit until January - & maybe it will get just a little bit chilly. In the meantime, I feel like I'm in some strange place where time stands still & summer never goes away (yet I see pumpkins!). I'm a four seasons girl - raised in the Northwest, educated in Utah, lived in New York - & this will all take some getting used to. I'm really sad about not having fall colors, wearing fall clothes (I love fall clothes) & having that crispness to the air. So. No fall = some sad feelings. Anyway. You know what does help? Phone calls with good friends, upcoming super-duper fun plans, & throwing all of the scraps from dinner right down into the garbage disposal for the first time in 6+ years. But still! Homesick.

We've had a busy weekend. Errands, some meals out (we found a great burger place) & some much needed time together as a family. It's been nice. Also: In the past 72 hours, I've ordered an ottoman for our living room, returned an ottoman, & ordered another ottoman. Ottomans are tricky! Furnishing a house is tricky. It's been fun, but it requires a tremendous amount of patience (which has never been my strong point). I'm sure our house will look really fantastic by the time Quinn starts preschool. Until then - this week, our bed comes! And our couch, too. We're going to have a couch in our living room! I cannot even begin to describe how happy this makes me. And our dresser comes the week after that (even though I have no idea what will actually go in our dresser - thank you, Texas-sized closets), & then I have some serious plans for our walls, & then I need to figure out window coverings (stress). And then! Well, I have a zillion other things to take care of, & then maybe our house just might stop echoing.

What else.

Quinn hates his pediatrician. HATES him. Or at least is thoroughly terrified of him. The thing is, this is the NICEST MAN YOU WILL EVER MEET. The nicest. He got down on the floor & crawled around with him, has a wall of singing fish in his office, carries around a stuffed lizard & speaks in his very best lizard voice (it is a very good lizard voice), & has the biggest, happiest smile you've ever seen. So of course Q is terrified of him. Of course. We saw him twice last week (his 1 year appointment & a follow up for his first ear infection that miraculously cleared itself up), & each time Q was as happy as could be with the nurses. But Dr. Edralin? Terrified. Big + fat alligator tears. Burying himself in my arms. It is so embarrassing. Poor boy.

Mike is home all week! It's his first week not traveling since we moved here, & I'm going to be happy, happy to have him home at night (especially since travel will pick right back up again the week following). I really love being a mother, but every day + all day + all night is not so much fun. Really though - Mike is happy with his job, & we're happy that he has it, & especially that while he's busy working away, I get to be in such a safe & happy place (even if it's sometimes a little bit of a lonely place). And Grey's Anatomy started last week, my house is still sort of in shambles & I haven't even sorted through our Europe photos yet. Oh, & I have a toddler (!?), so I have plenty of things to keep me occupied when he's away.

Speaking of Q basically being in junior high already, he is so big & grown up all of a sudden (a sentence I will undoubtedly be using over & over again for the next several decades). But seriously! He's all about swinging fast these days & gives me a look that's like Mama, I've totally got this.

And speaking of the park: Have I mentioned that I'm basically a minority in my neighborhood? Seriously, I go to the park & no one is speaking English. No one. I mean, they can speak English. But the kids are running around in their little packs speaking a zillion miles an hour & I can't understand a thing that they're saying, & when we meet our neighbors, we find that they've come from all over the place. Our two-houses-down neighbors had us in the other night - they're from Mexico & run a business from the United States (something that is quite common in The Woodlands, with many families escaping the violence in Mexico & coming here) - & the husband looked at me & flat out asked why I didn't fluently speak Spanish. Um. I'm adding that to my to-do list right this second (because I really didn't have a good answer except that I'm lazy & only took two years of high school Spanish - but I got A's!!).

Lastly: We're (Q is) weaning. Well. We're seriously thinking about it anyway, & I cut out a feeding today & gave him some fruit + quinoa instead. This already makes my heart sad, & makes me think about how hard it will be for him to start preschool, go to summer camp & leave for college. But it's time! I think. Eventually. Probably.

Sigh.

Photos!  

(This child of mine is always trying to grab my camera. Always.)

365 Days of Quinn.

A photo a day, for the last 365 days. It's been a good year with Baby Q.

He's one.

He turned one! And besides the part where we unsuccessfully tried to get him to wear the birthday hat (that my mother & I had so carefully crafted the day before), it was such a happy day. A really, really happy day full of lots of people we love & who love our little boy. I have the best intentions of posting more photos later, but Mike is traveling, Q had a little bit of a sad day, & my to do list is apparently never-ending. But still! What I really want to remember is that it was such a happy day where so many people showed us love. My parents flew in all the way from Washington, Erin & Matt drove from Dallas for the weekend, Noelle & Bruce came up from the city & we were happy to have a few other old (from college) & new (from our ward) friends come celebrate with us. Lots of people called & texted. All for Baby Q! It made our hearts so happy.

We started off his birthday with crepes, because that's what we do on special days. Erin & I got pedicures, & then we seemed to be in the kitchen the rest of the day. We had a nice party! It wasn't fancy, & I managed to not have a nervous breakdown (barely - thank goodness for Erin & my mother, with Fox being a trusty assistant in helping Miss Jam [Jan]). My parents were gigantic helps, we made really delicious food (pork tacos, corn salad, watermelon, Mexican Coke!) & Quinn's birthday cake was really pretty delicious. We kept tradition & sang the Hudson family Happy Birthday song. Q opened gifts, played with his friends & ate a bit of chocolate cake. By the end of the night, he was thoroughly exhausted. Exhausted! I was, too. So much so that I felt thoroughly hungover (I think?) the next morning. Two days later, I'm feeling a bit of recovery, but the happiness of the day is still simmering.

All week long I found myself trying to soak in our baby. I'd sing him his lullaby just a few extra times before putting him to bed, & tried to appreciate those sweet moments when he just wanted to cuddle with his mama. I spent a lot of time feeling really grateful for the sweet friends who have helped me to learn how to be a mother, & thought about some of my missteps along the way. I'm sure that these two trends will continue each birthday - the gratitude & the reflection + learning.

As much as I'd love him to stay a baby, it's so clear that he's growing up. He's wanting to walk, exerting his independence in various ways, & learning new tricks every day. So many changes! We really loved him a baby, but now he's evolved into this amazing little human with a full-blown personality, & we love him even more. All of the cliches about parenthood are absolutely true: it increases your capacity to love, it stretches you, it's challenging, & it all goes by far too quickly. I've learned so much this year. We all have. I am proud of our family. We've gotten to know each other a lot better, & we're figuring all of this out. Quinn is teaching us (humility, patience, & some more humility) & to say that he has made us better would be an absolute understatement. He has a far from perfect mama, but I am 100% confident in my ability to show him how much I love him. My own parents have always been so very good at this, & each time I'm with them I'm reminded about the kind of mother I'd like to be.

And now we have a one year old! He had his well check up today, & unfortunately he wasn't very well (his very first ear infection - sad). But he's growing! Kind of. 19 pounds (about 10th percentile), & 29 inches long. 13 pounds heavier & 10 inches longer than when we brought him home from Roosevelt Hospital in New York City one year ago. See. Lots of changes.

If you feel like getting emotional, you should watch this video again. 

Happy Birthday, Baby Q. 

We're in Texas.

(Excuse the echo.)

We're here & we're alive. A little emotionally unstable maybe, but breathing in & out, & really - doing okay 87% of the time. There's a lot to say, & a lot I'd like to remember, but there's just not a lot of time (or energy) right now. So, until I figure out how to more successfully manage all of the balls that are currently flying up in the air, here's a little snippet of Q taking a bath in our kitchen sink the other day (after he managed to puke up his entire lunch, all over himself + his surroundings - just minutes after our washer & dryer were installed, thankfully).

Currently grateful for: my mother who is here to save the day (per usual) while we get settled, a car with really fast air conditioning & for the dust buster that my mom insisted that I buy the other day (baby in a car seat several times a day + a mama who is a little bit on the extreme end of tidiness = an absolute need for a dust buster). 

2,208th post in New York City.

We will have been New Yorkers for 6 years, 2 months & 29 days. That's 2,281 days. 

Or, in blogger language: 2,208 posts.

Quinn will have been a resident New Yorker for the first 333 days of his life. It makes my heart hurt to think about him not growing up here, not remembering his very first friends, & not having the truly unique experience of getting to live here.

I'm trying really hard to be grateful (& failing miserably). Grateful for good opportunities in a terrible economy, grateful for experiences that will stretch me, grateful for friends who have been so wonderful & especially grateful that I have gotten to experience New York for the past six years. To say that I grew up here would be an understatement. We started our marriage here. We had Quinn here. First jobs. The foundations of what will certainly be lifetime friendships. The city has been so good to us, & it will always be home. 

The other day while we were at the park, Q discovered blades of grass for the very first time. He was completely mesmerized by them, & could have played uninterrupted for hours minutes. We sat there on a quilt by ourselves just enjoying a quiet afternoon at the park. Lots of birds, lots of people walking by, & a perfect breeze. I felt a profound love for my city in that moment. I also felt peaceful, hopeful & almost a bit excited for the things to come.

(Honestly though, I'm really scared. I've cried 17 times today. I don't want to make new friends - I really love the ones that I have. I don't want to get to know a new city, because how could anything compare? I prefer being driven vs. driving & cabs are just perfect! I almost don't even care that for the first time in my married life, I will be able to do laundry without hauling it 30 floors down & paying $5 per load. Because right now, my tummy hurts, & my heart hurts, & I'm just really, really sad.)

Our doorman will call up in 8 hours letting us know that there are movers here to pack us up.

Deep breaths.

We love you, New York.

(Blog, we'll see you in Texas.)

Piano.

Quinn is really loving his new piano. I just wish it had the tone of a Steinway vs. a Melissa & Doug. 

He is the sweetest boy. He waves goodbye, loves to give his mama nose kisses, is perfectly happy when we cuddle & read books, & just might skip crawling & go straight to walking (although he's nowhere close to either right now - I'm not worried). He smiles each time I read the opening lines to Moo Baa La La La. He's hyper-aware of his surroundings, gives smiles easily & crosses his ankles when he's in the stroller. I think he looks a lot like me - & a lot like Mike (how does that happen?). He's definitely spirited like I am, but someday it will serve him well. He's 11 months next week, which is almost one (!!), & I just can't believe much of what is going on right now in my life - let alone my baby boy growing up so quickly.

Q & his first haircut @ Priest Lake.

My mom gave me all of my haircuts for the first decade of my life. Generally, this worked out fairly well, although I did go through a stage of very aggressive bangs. I don't blame her, I blame the 80's. 

(Oddly enough, I currently have the same haircut that I had when I was four. She was either fashion-forward, or I need a new haircut.)

Quinn has had a bit of a party going on in the back for the past several months & we decided that it was time to give our baby his first trim. With a few puffs to chew on & nieces & nephews running around behind the camera as a distraction, it was easy breezy. Meaning, Grandma did it while Mike & I looked nervously on.

And now - he looks so handsome. Sigh.

I can totally relate, baby Q.

We're really busy, a lot stressed out, a little bit cranky (all of us) & having a hard time getting over jet lag (Q).

But I'm grateful for things, so let's talk about them: Good friends who share really great advice. The close date on our home getting pushed up (!!). Rare opportunities to do some really fun things this summer. Seeing my family in just a few days at Priest Lake, the greatest place on earth. Having friends who are so willing to help with the 1,265 questions I always have on various topics. Finding + purchasing a new mattress & checking something off of our seemingly endless to-do list. A breezy, cool day in New York City today + the perfect amount of Central Park time with Suzi (see friends who share really great advice). Costco hot dogs! Being reunited with the best pair of tweezers ever.

Life is good (mostly).

Indian for lunch in midtown (etc).

(I spy Mike, do you?)

I had dinner with some friends last night & put my head on the table & cried when talk of Texas (& a trend of people putting feathers in their hair - what?!) came up. Sigh. Maybe I was extra-emotional because Quinn screamed for about three hours before dinner, & you know what a screaming baby does to your brain (brain = fried). This morning - a tooth just starting to poke out on top. His third tooth in the past few weeks! Poor baby.

I drank four Diet Coke's yesterday. FOUR. Two when I was getting my hair done, three at dinner. Wait. That's five. Five!!! I think I quit, as of right... now. Seriously. Cross my heart & hope to die, I'm finished.

Friends Jamie & Meghan are in a cab on the way to my apartment right this very second. They're visiting the city from the south this weekend & I couldn't be more excited. Hooray! 

Quinn, Mike & I ate lunch this afternoon with friend Scott at the Biyrani Cart in midtown. Kati rolls. Yum! I love Indian food & am hoping that a (somewhat) significant Indian population in Houston means decent Indian food (Mike just reminded me that we grabbed takeout from a good place while we were there the other week - so there is hope). On the same block - halal food, fresh lobster, falafel & an assortment of other street cart vendors. 

I'm going to miss New York City food. Let's talk about something else. 

We leave for our trip on Monday! We're gone for two weeks, & then come back for a week. Mike will zip down to Houston for the final inspection on our home, & then we'll take off to Priest Lake for a week. And then we'll be back in New York for a week. And then movers come & pack up all of our earthly possessions, & then we'll be in Hilton Head for a week. 

And then we have one-way tickets to Houston.

Excuse me if I'm a complete emotional disaster for the next... year. And in the meantime - I just kind of feel like I want to throw up.

Also (& very unrelated): I was getting my hair colored yesterday. The woman doing it told me that she had a 7 month old boy, & the woman in the chair next to us jumped in & said that she had 8 month old twins. Boys! So all of a sudden, we found ourselves in an hour-long conversation about babies, sleep deprivation, relationships with grandparents, the random + often inappropriate things that people say on the street to mothers, our changing bodies, breastfeeding, teething, all the fun tricks our babies do & really, just how much we love being mamas. And I came away feeling a really strong sense of camaraderie with the other young mothers that I know & the strikingly similar experiences & challenges that we have. I was also reminded of the advice that a lovely friend told me early on: you are the mother & you know best. I've decided over & over again lately that this is my mantra as a mother. In my moments of self doubt, or at times when I am challenged, I just remember that no one else is Quinn's mother. I am. I know best. And if I trust myself, he'll be just fine.

Lots of random things for today, but such is life this summer. 

(Post edit: Suzi just called to tell me that gingham is my new stripes. I obviously can't think outside of the box with my clothing choices. Sigh.)

Head above water.

Currently writing lots of to-do lists to cope with well, all the to-do's we have.

(On my to do list if I decide to just deal with some sleep deprivation for a night: catch up on blogging. Likelihood of this happening: slim.)

For good measure, we just added an Italy / Switzerland trip to the mix. To keep things interesting, we decided that leaving Monday would be a fabulous idea (that's Wednesday-Thursday-Friday-Saturday-Sunday-Monday!!).

!!!!

Deep breath.

The park was so beautiful the other day. We walked from our apartment down 5th Avenue & all the way to the carousel with Q.  I love, love, love Central Park. Have I ever said that before?

Also on my to-do list (obviously): hair cut. 

Sunday best.

It was a rainy mess today, so Q went a little casual to church. But seriously - doesn't he look he's about to run off to do his algebra homework?! And he has two teeth! Two! They are sharp little daggers, & I only wish I wasn't saying this from experience. Bless his heart, he probably just doesn't even know what to do with the new sharp things in his gums. From the joys of nursing to smooshing (word?) individual pieces of food so that he doesn't gag, motherhood has taught me more about true love in ways that I never knew were possible. 

Love this boy.

Quinn rides the carousel in Central Park.

I'm not sure that he necessarily loved it, & it's pretty clear that he didn't quite understand what was going on, but it was a fun outing! Quinn's first time riding the carousel at Central Park.

Add the Cannons to the list.

Generally, when Q & Eli are near each other, the mauling begins. I'm sure that they're doing it out of love, but the last time they were together, Quinn may have given Eli a bit of a swat that caused some tears. He's still working on learning his manners, clearly.

But these boys! First friends. 6 days apart. And now they're 9+ months old. Zoom. 

We met up with Tim & Amy yesterday afternoon. We went down to Eataly, grabbed some Italian sandwiches + (amazing!) gelato to go, & then ate on blankets in Madison Square Park under a big tree. The weather was perfect, & it was one of those New York City days where you're just bursting with love for the city, the people, the food... & for friends who are like family.

We had to say see you later on the street corner when we were finished - because Tim has completed his oncology fellowship in New York, & Amy received her masters at Columbia, & they're moving to Virginia where they are going to do wonderful things like cure cancer & save babies in Africa. We're happy for them! We are! 

Deep breaths.

Amy & I have had a lot of talks in the past few weeks about leaving. We came to the conclusion that heartbreak is the closest comparison to the feeling of leaving New York. It used to be that it was was only their family that was leaving New York, & I could more-or-less handle that, you know, being a supportive friend. People leave! Several of our closest friends have. Kellie & J went back to Utah, as did Caitlin & Dan. Jill & Brad went to Illinois, Sarah Jane & Nathan moved to California, Erin & Matt landed back in Texas & Jill & Sean moved to Idaho. But there are trains & airplanes, & cell phones & Instagram & Facebook, so really, Virginia isn't so far away from New York. But now! We're leaving too. And while August has maintained it's safe distance away, at the end of summer, all of a sudden, it's July. And our move date is 6 weeks away. And yesterday, I found myself saying goodbye to our dear friends, putting on my bravest face so that Amy would maybe be able to borrow some of mine (bravery, that is - forced as it was). And I did fine! Maybe a few tears leaked out, & we said goodbye with lots of very genuine promises to see each other soon & talk often.

We were walking away & Mike said, We're all growing up. For some reason, that did it. Suddenly it was over. Floodgates were opened & the real tears came. Because they're leaving, because we're leaving next, because my friends are scattered around the country now instead of on one relatively tiny little island where we can easily meet in the middle any time. And change is hard. 

I love the saying that friends are family that you choose. I thoroughly relate on several levels, in part  because I have these friends from our time here. And the ones that have left - we're still friends, even closer friends. Like family, really (without the drama, yelling & sibling rivalry, of course).

Everything is going to be okay. 

I'm going to repeat this to myself over & over again over the next few weeks - when I think about Amy leaving New York, & when I think about Quinn leaving his city of birth.

17 expressions.

Today we:

Had the most beautiful, not-too-warm + sunny day in Manhattan

Lunched with friend Emma

Went to the Met to see the Alexander McQueen exhibit

Took wedding photos in the West Village for the happiest of couples

Snapped several dozen photos of Q & couldn't even come close to deciding which was a favorite