17 expressions.

Today we:

Had the most beautiful, not-too-warm + sunny day in Manhattan

Lunched with friend Emma

Went to the Met to see the Alexander McQueen exhibit

Took wedding photos in the West Village for the happiest of couples

Snapped several dozen photos of Q & couldn't even come close to deciding which was a favorite

Mother's Day.

This Mother's Day, I'm the happiest. Ever. I've been misty-eyed all day, in part because I'm just feeling really grateful. Not because I have a perfect husband, or a perfect child, but because the three of us are just really genuinely happy - imperfections included. I'm feeling really blessed to have a lot of love in my life - from both a husband who is so very good, & from a little boy who has taught me all about who I am & what I'm really capable of. I'm starting to understand why motherhood is part of this divine scheme of things, because I think there are lessons to be learned that just otherwise cannot be taught. And finally - I have mothers & someday-mothers all around me who have held my hand the past 8 months & taught me all that I know. I'm grateful for those who are on speed dial, because calls have been frequent & I'm probably a slow study. 

Friend Suzi gave a talk in church today (that was amazing), while Kelsey played with Quinn. I got to see a lot of friends at church that I haven't seen in far too long, talked to my mom on the phone this evening got a call from my sister, exchanged emails & texts with friends... & I just felt so much love for (& from) all of these women in my life today. I'm happy & grateful.

And because it's too hilarious (& true!) not to share, passed along from Erin today:

"First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches. May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty. When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half... Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called 'Hell Drop,''Tower of Torture,' or 'The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,' and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age... Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short... O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers... And when she one day turns on me and calls me a B in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Sh%^&t. I will not have it. And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. 'My mother did this for me once,' she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. 'My mother did this for me.' And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes. Amen." 

(Tina's Prayer from Bossy Pants - Tina Fey)

The weekend (even though it's already Wednesday).

I forgot what this is called, & I'm too lazy to find it on The Met's site, but it was fun + made us dizzy.

I always tell Mike that my life feels a little bit like groundhog day. I've said this before, right? Monday through Friday give me an almost identical daily routine, with only small variations sometimes breaking up the predictable sequence of events throughout the day. But Saturdays! Saturdays are the day that Mike is home. Just the variation of having another person around is enough to make both of us giddy! Quinn loves it & I love it.  Saturdays are a good day. I get a little bit of a break, & we get to do things together. It makes all the difference.

We had a little tease of spring last week (lovely!) followed by bone-chilling wind & cold again. Figures. 20˚ with 40mph winds is always a terrible combination. But, fresh air does wonders, & staying inside all day is depressing, so we got out on Saturday. Lunch at Shake Shack (thin mint custard - everything I hoped & dreamed it would be), followed by wandering around The Met. It kept us out of the cold & also out of the apartment. We walked through Between Here & There: Passages in Contemporary Photography (mildly interesting), & browsed through a few other areas that we like. Quinn mostly napped. He's been to The Met a dozen times by now, I think & was generally unimpressed, & frustrated that he couldn't chew on anything outside of his stroller. We stopped by Lady M for some hot chocolate (my new favorite, I think), ran a few errands & made our way back home.

The rest of our afternoon was spent doing some of those things that I want to do but can't seem to find the time to do. Like vacuuming every single inch of our apartment (which admittedly isn't very many inches) - using all of the attachments. There's something really refreshing & wonderful about knowing that all of the corners of our home are totally clean, as is under the couch & behind the desk. Putting clean sheets on our bed! I did that too, even though I HATE making a new bed, which is a travesty since clean sheets are one of my very favorite things. However, doing six loads of laundry is not, & I did that as well. We took a rain check on our planned Saturday night out because we couldn't get the reservation we wanted - & despite our +1 to our  couple status now, & more nights in than out, we're still foodies at heart & aren't going to waste a precious date night going to a place that we're not really excited about. So, we ordered sushi from our favorite place instead, watched a movie (Waiting for Superman - interesting + incredibly frustrating), & that was just fine by us. 

Church on Sunday. The same song & dance of rushing to get out the door, lots of bouncing trying to get Quinn to sleep in the Ergo, & hanging out in the mother's lounge. Friends Suzi & Steve blessed Baby Ben, & that was sweet. We love our friends.

Monday night gave us our first night out together - just the two of us - in weeks. It was really, really nice to be out with Mike, especially since our day together had been a little miserable (think a sick /+ potentially teething baby, & an incident that questioned my ability to be a mother in the first place - definitely not my favorite day, & our worst in many months). We went to dinner at Market Table in the West Village, where after a few deep breaths, we talked about mostly adult things, & never once about baby poo. I had two diet Cokes, & we shared enough food to feed a small family (I still feel starving about 98% of my day - nursing will do that, I suppose). We took our time, shared two desserts & were reminded that we do in fact find each other really interesting. Everything was just amazing & it further convinced us that nights out are necessary. As Mike said, babysitters are less expensive than marriage counseling. Nice friends who will swap with you are even better. Thanks, Amy.

My family came to visit.

Patrick & Kera came to New York Thursday morning & Tara arrived on Friday to visit us meet Quinn. The same weekend! I love that my siblings made the trip & got to meet our little boy, especially because we weren't able to be quite as adventurous as we have been in years past - or even close to it, really. Because really, a four week old child isn't really for the faint of heart, & feeding Quinn every 3 hours, for basically an hour each time, kind of hurt my mojo a little bit, not to mention the fact that & total sleep deprivation meant that naps were often in order (although not taken frequently enough, per usual). Anyway. I felt kind of lame, & I'm just still not feeling quite myself yet - nor do I expect to any time soon I suppose - but that's okay. They understood, & we all had fun. Tara & Kera were especially lovely to have around & didn't yell at me once after getting pestered with how to be a mother questions every 4.7 seconds. Tara is still here, & has been a saint while she's stayed with us at our apartment - changing diapers, singing Q plenty of songs, & having many late night conversations with him while he's WIDE. AWAKE. at totally  inappropriate hours. I told her she can move in. She's currently installing our new printer, just finished dusting my living room, helped me rearrange the lighting in our living room, & gets up when Q cries before I can even reach his nursery. Love her.

The weekend was mostly just nice & relaxed & easy. On Friday, Q & I met Patrick & Kera at The Met, wanting to go see the exhibit on the roof. Truthfully, I knew nothing about it - & still don't, actually. I could look it up & say something sophisticated, but that's more time & effort than I can invest right now, & really - I mainly just go up to the rooftop exhibits at The Met because of the view (I love the view). Anyway. The exhibit. Um. It was made out of bamboo. And the rope was pretty. And the artists were photographers. Or maybe rock climbers. Or maybe they were photographers who hired rock climbers. I can't remember, but it looked like they knew how to tie really great knots, which is a good thing since people were climbing up in the bamboo & we wouldn't want them to fall, would we? 

The rain stayed away for the weekend (after the news threatened us with a noreaster) & this made me happy. We wandered through the park, ate at Shack Shack a few times, grabbed brunch at Norma's, ordered way too much food at Blue Smoke & caught up on some TV when we were at home. Quinn got a lot of attention, & I got a bit more confidence in taking him out to dinner / lunch / brunch without being completely panicked. It was all just lots of fun. Thanks for flying to see us, family. We love you lots. 

Quinn is 5 weeks old on Thursday (!). He's so much bigger! And stronger! The other day - he rolled over. I kid you not, & I have witnesses. It scared the snot out of me, & I hope he doesn't do it again for a very long time (I'm not ready to have a mobile baby). He's generally happy, although I'm thinking some of his thrush medication is making his tummy not so happy, & he's not really wanting to sleep these days which has made for a few hard afternoons & frustrating nights. He gets so exhausted by mid afternoon that we've had our first experience with meltdowns in the past couple of days. The only remedies I've found have been the Bjorn (I've strapped it on several times in the apartment with no intentions to leave) & singing Powder Blue* over & over again.  I'm learning to work through it, to be calm & breath deeply, & hoping to cope as well as possible until a more predictable routine works itself out in a few weeks... or months. In the meantime, pumping + a bottle gives me a little tiny break every now & then so that I can stay away from teetering on the edge of any ledges, & nice friends are helpful with their advice & suggestions. But seriously - babies are hard. Mothering is hard. The lack of a routine & the lack of sleep are hard. None of it has been easy really, but as I wander around the city with my baby, when I think about his future life here, when I sing him to sleep, when I give him a bath, soothe his tears, or pull him out of his crib in the middle of the night & hear his cry turn from panic to relief, I'm overwhelmed by how much I love this little boy. It is hard, it is exhausting, it hurts, there are often tears & there are few immediate rewards, but that's okay. I feel really lucky to be Quinn's mama.

Photos.

*That's our lullaby, I think. Q loves it, I love it. I need more though. Can you tell me the name of your favorite lullaby? My little boy likes singing time, which means I've got some practicing to do.

Today, Quinn.

Took great naps

Went on a nice walk with friends Will & Suzi when it finally stopped raining

Rode the bus!

Visited The Met for the very first time

Got a bellybutton!

Christmas in the City: The Angel Tree.

Jill, Suzi & I went to see the Angel Tree at the Met on Wednesday. Will summed it up when we walked in & he said, Wow! Unfortunately, there was an evil museum guard who doing his very best to  strictly enforcing the no photography rule that they have for some (stupid) reason. Yeah, he didn't really scare me & I went ahead & took a few dozen photos. Most of them were literally shot blind from the hip (my camera is not discreet, nor is the shutter - I improvised), so here I am yet again apologizing for poor photos of what was a very pretty tree. And the pedestal that it was sitting on? Almost the most amazing part. Huge! Heavy (looking)! It was really beautiful, as were all of the details of the manger scene & the angels that covered the tree.

The last tree on our list is Rockefeller Center. I've already seen it several times, but Mike hasn't yet this year. Despite his resistance (the crowds are in fact a total nightmare), it's just something we've got to do. Early next week, I think. I'm trying to spread the festivities out.

Winter is here in full force, by the way. It's frigid. 16° on my way to seminary this morning & Mike told me that the news said feels like 4°. I get extra blessings for venturing out in that kind of cold (on foot) at 6am, right? RIGHT??

(Speaking of which. Anyone have any favorite cold / windy / dry weather products for hair, skin & lips? I fear I might crack & crumble away to dust at any moment.)

Give me some texture & I'm happy to wander aimlessly.

Monet. Van Gogh. Renoir. I guess I prefer getting about 6 inches away from these paintings & seeing the thick gobs of brush strokes. And the frames!! I love the frames. I really do like art. I appreciate it. In short doses, but I appreciate it nonetheless. The Met on Friday (with Mike's mother + new friend) - even though I've been a half dozen times at least - was a fun experience, & I liked that we stuck with the impressionists instead of trying to get it all in. I think I'll go back this week. Just because I can.