Outside looking in.

I like this picture of Mike & me. We were at my sister Joanna's house in Salt Lake & just about ready to walk out the door for Ryan & Whitney's rehearsal dinner. My hair is tidy, my makeup is in place, I have a normal, relatively happy smile, & you can't see my pale legs... it works, right? It's a decent picture. I'm not being vain here though - just trying to prove a point, of sorts. For those of you who are privy to see Joanna's blog (it's private, thank goodness), you know that this isn't the only picture that she took of us on her back porch. There is another one, & it is bad. I mean, she's a really great photographer, but I look chubby. It's just not a flattering picture. I'm pretty sure I have a double chin to complete the look. It's one of those pictures that I'd never, ever put on my very own blog (despite the fact that Mike looks great). The simple reality is that I take hundreds of pictures every month (some including me, some not). Only a few are actually published. Most of those that are posted don't show the 6-inch scar I have under my neck that I've always been self-conscious of. Or the dark circles that always seem to be under my eyes thanks to being over-worked & over-stressed (thank you, Bare Minerals). The pictures I choose to post are exactly that - things that I choose to share with the people who keep up with the Manhattan Whitings.

.

It got me thinking more broadly...
.

For some reason, I've had multiple conversations with people (siblings, friends, etc) in the last week about the reality that is portrayed on blogs vs. real life. For the most part, it's all good things that we publish, right? I'm absolutely guilty of this. Very rarely do I write something that is truly raw & unfiltered. After talking with these different people over the last few days (all of whom are in very different circumstances), it's pretty clear to me that while blogs serve a really good purpose (& are a lot of fun), they also help to perpetuate a myth that we all live glamorous & perfect lives, complete with perfect husbands, perfect children, lovely friends, perfect jobs, complete with luxurious & frequent vacations. We're all wonderfully thoughtful (or our husbands are), incredibly creative, perfectly witty & yet appropriately humble. I mean, we're all seriously so blessed, right?

.

The fact of the matter is, more often than not, that just not the case, it's just not reality. Things are not always perfect, & oftentimes, life is kind of hard. Or maybe even really hard.

.

The fact that blogs only show the "good stuff" has the potential to make people (me included) feel depressed, inadequate or just plain boring at times. Maybe even jealous that someone has something or is someone that you wished you had or were. Or maybe it's just me that feels that way. Maybe I'm the only one who doesn't always feel 100% genuine, who is prone to only highlighting the good stuff. When I feel like I really can't be sincere, or I just don't feel like being super positive, I tend to retreat away from blogging- because I don't want to be fake, & I don't want to be insincere. It's a scary thing to have a flawed, published portrait of yourself & your life happenings, because that means that there is a written record of your (my) many imperfections or simply an account of the un-exotic details that oftentimes make up the daily grind.

.

If I have a point, I guess it's that I want to be more honest, but sometimes I find that it's really hard (maybe impossible?) to do. I have friends who are incredibly genuine & real (in person, & on the www) & I really respect & admire their "take me as I am" attitudes... I want to be there, too. Even if it means that some days I just complain only to vent (& that's okay), or maybe I want to highlight how unglamorous New York City really is at times (think extra stress & extra intensity, topped off with an extra pressure to really succeed- Did you know that I lose 8 years of life expectancy being a Manhattan resident?). Or maybe I should feel okay talking about some of those things that make me grow (recognition of my mistakes & many imperfections), or publishing a picture that is taken from a terrible angle but is still fun. I just want to try harder I guess, to achieve a better balance between being being positive, happy & hopeful (as I should be), while also portraying a realistic view of my life, as is.