Patrick & Kera came to New York Thursday morning & Tara arrived on Friday to visit us meet Quinn. The same weekend! I love that my siblings made the trip & got to meet our little boy, especially because we weren't able to be quite as adventurous as we have been in years past - or even close to it, really. Because really, a four week old child isn't really for the faint of heart, & feeding Quinn every 3 hours, for basically an hour each time, kind of hurt my mojo a little bit, not to mention the fact that & total sleep deprivation meant that naps were often in order (although not taken frequently enough, per usual). Anyway. I felt kind of lame, & I'm just still not feeling quite myself yet - nor do I expect to any time soon I suppose - but that's okay. They understood, & we all had fun. Tara & Kera were especially lovely to have around & didn't yell at me once after getting pestered with how to be a mother questions every 4.7 seconds. Tara is still here, & has been a saint while she's stayed with us at our apartment - changing diapers, singing Q plenty of songs, & having many late night conversations with him while he's WIDE. AWAKE. at totally inappropriate hours. I told her she can move in. She's currently installing our new printer, just finished dusting my living room, helped me rearrange the lighting in our living room, & gets up when Q cries before I can even reach his nursery. Love her.
The weekend was mostly just nice & relaxed & easy. On Friday, Q & I met Patrick & Kera at The Met, wanting to go see the exhibit on the roof. Truthfully, I knew nothing about it - & still don't, actually. I could look it up & say something sophisticated, but that's more time & effort than I can invest right now, & really - I mainly just go up to the rooftop exhibits at The Met because of the view (I love the view). Anyway. The exhibit. Um. It was made out of bamboo. And the rope was pretty. And the artists were photographers. Or maybe rock climbers. Or maybe they were photographers who hired rock climbers. I can't remember, but it looked like they knew how to tie really great knots, which is a good thing since people were climbing up in the bamboo & we wouldn't want them to fall, would we?
The rain stayed away for the weekend (after the news threatened us with a noreaster) & this made me happy. We wandered through the park, ate at Shack Shack a few times, grabbed brunch at Norma's, ordered way too much food at Blue Smoke & caught up on some TV when we were at home. Quinn got a lot of attention, & I got a bit more confidence in taking him out to dinner / lunch / brunch without being completely panicked. It was all just lots of fun. Thanks for flying to see us, family. We love you lots.
Quinn is 5 weeks old on Thursday (!). He's so much bigger! And stronger! The other day - he rolled over. I kid you not, & I have witnesses. It scared the snot out of me, & I hope he doesn't do it again for a very long time (I'm not ready to have a mobile baby). He's generally happy, although I'm thinking some of his thrush medication is making his tummy not so happy, & he's not really wanting to sleep these days which has made for a few hard afternoons & frustrating nights. He gets so exhausted by mid afternoon that we've had our first experience with meltdowns in the past couple of days. The only remedies I've found have been the Bjorn (I've strapped it on several times in the apartment with no intentions to leave) & singing Powder Blue* over & over again. I'm learning to work through it, to be calm & breath deeply, & hoping to cope as well as possible until a more predictable routine works itself out in a few weeks... or months. In the meantime, pumping + a bottle gives me a little tiny break every now & then so that I can stay away from teetering on the edge of any ledges, & nice friends are helpful with their advice & suggestions. But seriously - babies are hard. Mothering is hard. The lack of a routine & the lack of sleep are hard. None of it has been easy really, but as I wander around the city with my baby, when I think about his future life here, when I sing him to sleep, when I give him a bath, soothe his tears, or pull him out of his crib in the middle of the night & hear his cry turn from panic to relief, I'm overwhelmed by how much I love this little boy. It is hard, it is exhausting, it hurts, there are often tears & there are few immediate rewards, but that's okay. I feel really lucky to be Quinn's mama.
Photos.
*That's our lullaby, I think. Q loves it, I love it. I need more though. Can you tell me the name of your favorite lullaby? My little boy likes singing time, which means I've got some practicing to do.
*That's our lullaby, I think. Q loves it, I love it. I need more though. Can you tell me the name of your favorite lullaby? My little boy likes singing time, which means I've got some practicing to do.
12 comments:
You are so good at recording all this. Seriously I had a REALLY hard time adjusting to motherhood with Max but I didn't write about it, and wish I had. To look back and see how far I've come. and he's come. Max did the same thing with no sleeping and I still to this day don't know if it's because he wasn't a good sleeper or because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. Anyway, thinking of you. Quinn looks like pretty much the mushiest little thing in those pants with the bear paws on them.
We had such a great time. Thanks for letting us come visit. Next time we see Q, how old is he going to be :(
I remember emailing Lindsey and Kelli about Avery's sleep habits too. Their firsts didn't sleep either. I don't think it is all first children, I've had a few friends whose firsts slept. And I couldn't figure it out. They get there though. I promise! But, the exhaustion + Bjorn wearing is tiring and meltdowns happen. But, I still say that Devin and I learned so so much and are better parents for it!
You are a trooper to be so out and about with just a one month old.
Is this the brother than sometimes reminds you of Devin, because looking at pictures he is reminding me of him (!). Maybe it is the shaved head + North Face gear.
Q is a cutie, those cheeks. Wish I could come get up with him in the night too (never though I would say that, but it's true).
Hello! I LOVE the bear suit Quinn is wearing when in the Baby Björn (being swedish I spell it the swedish way). Where is it from? I know someone who would love one!
You look so good, K. Such pretty pictures of you and how darling is Q in his little bear paws.
Having a first baby is intense like no other. It is the best and hardest thing. And it really does get easier every day... I kind of held onto that one after I had Izzy. We had sleep issues too. It was emotionally/mentally draining, but it does pass! Like Missy said, we'd email often to discuss. It was a lifesaver to know other experiences/tips.
I'm so glad you have such a great family to help you. They sound priceless. I wish I could come bring you dinner!
Those last two pictures are absolutely precious! He is just choochy! You look great - I love your black coat/jacket too!!
I was fairly lucky with Adelaide that she slept so well at night almost immediately. But day times were really hard for us because she wouldn't sleep and I had no clue what I was doing! The only way I could get her to sleep was being out and about and I look back now and don't know how I did it because I was exhuasted!!
Your family sound wonderful - it almost made me cry to read about how great Tara has been! So nice to have such loving siblings. Like Lindsey, wishing I could bring you dinner!
You are doing wonderfully though - really. Don't look at where you are not, look at where you have come from. And remember it took nine months to get him here - cut yourself some slack on how long it takes you to adjust. You are doing really well!
Oh my, I can totally relate to the sleepless, exhausted, bordering on breakdown moments. After I had Madelyn, I SWORE up and down that I would never have another baby. It was HARD. She was FUSSY. I cried -- a lot. Ready for this? I let her cry it out at night at 10 weeks old. She weighed enough and I knew she wasn't hungry. 2 nights later we were at 12-13 hours every night.
Enough of my ramblings -- you look great, happy, and rested (even if you feel beyond tired)!
I love how candid you are. I wish I had been better at recording the every day. Maybe third times a charm, eh? I had a hard time adjusting to motherhood, I think I was a little tense. More relaxed with the second except I had post-partum the first year. But am feeling peaceful with the approach of the third. I figured if I haven't screwed up too badly with the first two than I'm in the clear, ha ha!
Oh and I hate the whole sleep thing. Just when you think you've figured it out, they go and change on you. I'm hoping I get a super duper awesome sleeper with baby N. I can hope, right?
The sleep is the worst part, I think. It's just hard to be the primary caregiver on NO sleep.
But, you DO look great!
Missy - Yup. I don't know Devin, but Patrick totally reminds me of him. :)
Liza - Gap. We have another one that I got from Boden that I love even more (but he's not big enough for it quite yet).
I loved coming. Loved helping. And he is so dang cute it was fun getting to get to know him. I wish I had a magic pill for him to take to make him sleep, but I think it's just time he needs to figure things out. Until then, it's sort of like doing an intense baby boot camp where you get surprised at every turn with new challenges. You will survive. Promise. And you can come to see me any time and he can sleep in my closet.
you look good with a baby bjorn, and it makes me really sad inside to see you that way. we'll be those kind of friends, right? the kind that push our strollers together and walk across the park for shake shack?
with indie there were times i looked at my life and thought to myself, "what have i done? things are so different and extremely hard, and life as i know it is officially over." it was paralyzing and depressing. and sleep deprivation does horrible, horrible things to a person. lowest lows, highest highs, test of character kind of stuff at this point in your life, and you said it beautifully and are handling it gracefully. i wish i were there to tease you out of the apartment for shopping and lunch or to just sit on the couch and pass judgments on the sister wives.
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