Other people's babies.

I was sorting through these photos last night, when all of a sudden I found myself watching videos & going through blog posts of when Quinn & West were just newborns. Time went by quickly & all of a sudden it was far too late for me to be awake. I went to sleep with such a full heart, just wanting my boys to wake up so that I could squeeze them tight & make them stay little, just as they are.

West woke up to eat around 5:30 (& went back to sleep) & Quinn woke up just after six - naturally. It was dark, & too early after a short night's sleep, but he was up & wanted cake!! (?) & to go downstairs!! So down we went, grabbing the iPad & plopping ourselves on the couch in the darkness. 

I made him breakfast, did a few loads of laundry, set up a Google group for a few hundred of my neighbors (I have problems holding still), made my bed, threw on some makeup & clothes & killed a cockroach all before 8am. West woke shortly after. 

I hosted a playgroup this morning, knowing that it was going to be a grey, rainy day - & Full Day #2 of Mike being gone. We needed the company, & it was nice, except for the part where I literally caught my friend's little girl's poo with my hands (#momreflex). It's a long story - a combination of an almost potty trained little girl & poor timing, & nothing a dozen hand washings + sanitizer couldn't fix. And really, it was funny! But still - I was struck by the thought that Mike was in Manhattan meeting with clients & eating beautiful food while I was literally catching poo. Funny! Mostly.

(These are days when I have to give myself pep talks about different roles, & life phases, & enjoying the simple moments...)

Quinn learned how to say his name today - like, really say it. Sometimes I pick him up & we jump in front of the mirror in our entryway & he laughs & laughs while saying Quinn! Mama! Quinn! Mama! & pointing to each of us (When he says his name, it's Qui! As if he's French). But today, he pronounced the n's like he meant it, & all of a sudden the last two years of his life flashed before my eyes. Quinn. The little boy who can say his name, is practicing saying all of it (Quinn Hudson Whiting!) & whose new favorite trick is to make my nose go Beep! Beep!

And West! He was a little off this afternoon. If he were older I'd guess teething, but maybe we'll just blame the rain, because I can't explain it any other way.  He cried as I was putting him down for the his 2nd nap, something he hasn't done in weeks, & this cry - it wasn't the cry of a newborn, or even the cry of an infant - it was a big boy cry, an I just wanna play, Mama! cry. 

Four months? Zoom. 

I keep thinking about those first days with a newborn & how beautifully simple life is. It's such a magical time, & then all of a sudden they're two, & you're worrying about making them eat their vegetables (any vegetables!!), whether it's more important that a preschool be more academic or social & creative, & if it's a terrible thing that they're asking for the iPad right before they climb into bed. But those first few days? The simple quiet is really nice.  

Baby Spence - he was just two weeks old when I took these photos. His mama had that glow that comes with having a fresh baby & their house had that same special stillness. Brooke was calm, focused & totally unflustered, even as he fussed. She was basically the total opposite of how I felt after I had West (which in hindsight, was quite depressed a few weeks in)! Still though - it brought me back to September, to the whole experience (the day*!) of changing our family forever by adding one more little boy. The changes have been as significant & as profound as when Quinn arrived two years ago. The hard days have not necessarily been any easier having gone through it before, but the joy that comes with it all... It's real. I didn't know how it was possible, but what they say is true! My heart is bigger. It grew! I love more. And I am happy. Even on days when I'm tired & home alone, fighting roaches & using my involuntary mama ninja skills to catch poo.

(Did I share the story about how I saved West the other week from Q's flying enchilada by using these same ultra-fast protective reflexes? It was pretty amazing, actually.)

Look at this pretty mama & her fresh babe. I'm so happy for them.

*And now I've stayed up too late. Again. And cried!! Babies!! They have terrible side effects, like leaky eyes!