Sometimes {especially after book club}, I feel like this.
I'm not trying to open up a can of worms of sympathy, encouragement, or otherwise. I'm not trying to offend anyone. I'm okay with me right now. I'm not depressed, I'm not upset. "Peer pressure" has never been & never will be an issue for me & my family planning. I'm happy for my beautiful friends & their growing bellies. I'm all about individuals making their individual decisions about how they want to live their lives. It's a very, very personal decision {& process}.
Sometimes though, it's sort of like I don't fit in, anywhere. By New York City standards, I'm young. I've established a career for myself, & I love my job. I have years ahead of me. My peers at work are, for the most part, single. They think that it's quite weird that I'm married at 25. The idea of actually having children at my age would be inconceivable to them. The fact that I spend a lot of quiet nights at home with my husband doesn't really make sense to them either.
I have great friends at church, too. Most have babies, or newly-expanding bellies. That's not a bad thing. We still do things together. We're able to have fun. But sometimes, it's just different. Mike once said that spending time with other couples who have small children makes him very aware of how untethered we are. Being true DINKS in our mid {now, "to upper"} 20's is an interesting experience.
Anyway. I'm relatively neutral on how it makes me feel to be surrounded by my friends & family with blossoming bellies - sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes content, sometimes antsy. There are just some situations where I feel like I'm floating up in the clouds & the conversation around me becomes a blur of baby food, diapers, morning sickness & maternity pants. It is overwhelming, interesting & boring all at the same time. I can't explain it.
.
The same is true for my friends who are single. I don't understand much of their lives. I just can't relate. I don't go to bars or clubs to meet people. I've "dated" the same guy for 5 years. I have a very different lifestyle. I feel very much in limbo.
I don't really have anything concrete to say on the topic I guess. I'm not being especially articulate. There have been a lot of "we're pregnant" announcements recently, & it just gets me thinking.
12 comments:
I am sure all the baby talk can be a bit redious. When we were first married we lived in Austin, Texas and every single couple we were friends with was pregnant and then parents. It was overwhelming to me too but Ben and I needed to do our own thing. Now in Reno, both our ward friends and non-member friends are all childless and not even thinking about having kids quite yet, so again we are in the opposite boat as the people around us, yet the time was right for us. Someday I look forward to having friends that live by me and are in the same situation as far as families go. I just think that would be nice for a bit.
whoops- tedious, not redious
Darling drawings......just darling.
I have to say we were in the same place while we went through dental school. We had our first baby after almost four years of marriage which was very unusual in those days. I loved that time. No regrets. Not one. But I did feel a bit out of the loop in some ways..... not bad ways, but none the less discernible ways.
You said it well. When you can articulate your feelings as well as you do, then you are in a wonderful space. Let it be...enjoy the time you have for now. You will know when it's time to move on and forward. But don't miss the chance to hold the beautiful little ones and to smell their sweet little heads. I think it's intoxicating. Watch and learn, and be happy for your friends (I know you are)....and get little baby fixes from time to time. It's all good. There is a time and season......
Oops - it was me...not Dad
I also think the picture are dang cute. Sorry if we made you feel bad at book club! Next time the words "baby" "belly" or "when's it your turn" will not be mentioned! I'll be sure of it! :)
Well, you said the hard to describe very well. I'm in the same boat as you! It's strange when your friends are in a different 'phase' than you & most conversations revolve around bumps and babies. Its okay because i'm happy in the the boat I'm in right now.
And I also appreciated dad/jan's comment, so true, a time and a season.
I just love your blog.
This is when I feel like I get you the most- when you just say what you feel. I NEED to do the same at times.
I liked your mom's comment too.. you're smart enough to know what you want and when you want it. And you're good enough to be happy for your friends. That's a good position to be in. I like making my life decisions on whether or not I'm feeling happy. Simple, I know, but it seems to work well!
If this means anything, at least you have people to not fit in with. :)
Nicole, I didn't feel BAD. Bad is the wrong way to put it. :) Like I said- I'm happy for my friends. But just a little out of the loop!
OH Kathryn.... I love you.
You are true to yourself and what you want in your life. You should embrace the friends/families little ones and enjoy your "quiet" life right now.
Also, if you are really feeling like all your friends around you are pregnant, I invite you and Mike to move to Seattle ASAP to hang out w/ Ryley and I.... no pregnant pressure! Plus, NONE of our friends are pregnant :-).
It used to drive me CRAZY when my friends would sit around at lunch or dinner and talk about nothing BESIDES pregnancy, morning sickness, barf, poop, and all other things child related. Clearly this was before I had M because now I find myself in the middle of those same obnoxious conversations. We had M when I was 29 and I loved every single minute of working and being alone with Marty.
You're right to enjoy the stage of life where you are right now. Now...if only I could help you tune out some of the baby mumbo jumbo! :-)
kathryn,
I am so happy you are honest about this. Haidyn is turning 1 this week and I am constantly hoarded with the "when are you going for numero 2?"
I know that its people just trying to make conversation and I LOVE having Haidyn, its just, the thought of a #2 right now makes me want to cry. I am completely comfortable with a 3-4 year age gap and I don't think I should feel like a bad person or that I don't love the idea of motherhood because of it.
I am so glad you are doing YOUR (and Mike's) thing. It would be VERY boring of that is ALL we had to talk about. You bring a fresh exciting perspective into the conversation. We are living through you in a way! It is refreshing to have someone not affected by peer pressure and sticking to it too.
Spoken like a true Dad/mom?/Jan... you;ll know when your ready. There is a time and a season.
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