Things I do when my wife is traveling - DAYS 4, 5, & 6:

• Drink coconut water. Slick deal available on Amazon right now. I've ordered four cases to date during this sale. I might need to restock before month's end. One can never have enough third world fruit beverages.

• Sausage Fest #1. B White and D White in from the CT. Mullet-licious Argentine food at Libertador, four hours of Mario Kart Wii, old man hoops on Saturday morning, scalped Yankees tickets on Saturday afternoon. Good times kicking it with them during their tag team mission break (Dave gets home, only to have Bryan leave later in the summer).

• Sausage Fest #2. Man date with Tim Cannon in Chinatown. He may have the edge in basketball, but I taught him a new kind of humility in Street Fighter II. Dinner at Joe's Shanghai next to a couple from the Netherlands (the restaurant is so packed that the waiters seat you at the same table as strangers).
  

• Pity feeding by kind ward members. The Burtons cooked up a storm this afternoon (thanks again!) during my second man date with Tim in 24 hours. (Crap, so much for playing it cool and not calling for a few days). Tim and I are victims of Mormon women's payback for those long missionary stints during the Restoration. Back in the day men would be called away from their families for years on end, and as a reckoning modern-day NYC Mormon women flee the city / their husbands for the summer and head for Utah / Arizona / Idaho / some other locale where Olive Garden is considered Italian food. The remaining males band together and are often the subject of charitable Sunday meals on the part of the remaining females.