These flowers are outside our building. I think they're pretty.
I'm wanting fall colors. Everything right now is sort of... dull. Green. Or brown. Or dried & fallen onto the ground already.
Q & I had a long outing yesterday, involving a trip to the pediatrician & then a very, very long walk. He loves his stroller & sleeps when we walk, & this makes me happy. Although if I were an expert sleepwalker who could navigate NYC streets while not actually being awake, this would make me happier. Co-napping is obviously preferred, but I'll take one for the team. The other day - Monday I think - we walked for over two hours. It was a beautiful day, I got some errands done, & he got a good nap. Win-win, except that gold flats probably weren't the best decision of the day, & I came home feeling like I was getting shin splints. Yesterday - I wore my Toms. Better.
We've kind of regressed a bit in the past few days. Maybe it was this growth spurt business (up almost two pounds from his birth weight & he's grown two inches!)? Maybe it's just him waking up at three weeks old? Maybe it's him deciding that getting his diaper changed is the most terrible, horrible, no good + very bad thing to ever happen to him? Maybe it's me having NO. IDEA. how to be a mother? Maybe.
Dr. Julie (I love Dr. Julie) says that newborns are two steps forward, one step back.
I only cried once yesterday. Well, twice, technically, if we could middle-of-the-night (this morning) as yesterday. Poor Mike. I knew he was really worried about me when I came out at some unfortunate hour last night to feed Quinn & found the dishes in the kitchen done, a full water bottle by the chair that I nurse in, the laundry (that he did) folded, & everything else put away in it's special spot (I have a lot of special spots). This morning, he made sure I got some juice + my vitamin before he left for work, because I'm sure I was still bleary eyed from a night of less than wonderful sleep. Anyway. He's sweet. And being so good to us. I've technically only had two one breakdown. A few hours of sleep helped with that.
Have I mentioned that having a newborn sort of feels like training for the Navy Seals? It does. No worries, I just have to keep a human being alive & happy, giving my very best mothering / nurturing performance all while being thoroughly & utterly exhausted. Have you seen the show on TLC (maybe?) where they make the trainees tread water for like 6 hours & then make them dive down to the bottom of the pool to rescue someone? That's sort of what it feels like.
(Unrelated: Are you watching Sister Wives? Best show ever. It's like watching a train wreck, & will likely make the entire universe think that mainstream Mormons practice polygamy [we don't], but I still am just so utterly fascinated by it.)
I'm feeling much better. Overall, we're doing really well. I have good friends. Quinn is napping. I'm showered! And, I ate breakfast. Today will be a good day.
I'm starting to use a noise machine. I don't know anything about how I should be using it, except that people say they're nice, so I plugged it in, & now it sounds like we have a broken TV in the nursery. Q seems to like it, & gets those heavy + droopy eyes when I turn it on.
I think I've forgotten just about everything I read in the zillion baby books I've read. I need to go back & review. Like I said, we've regressed a bit.
Quinn & I have singing time every day. It's fun. He likes it (I think), especially Row, Row, Row Your Boat & This Little Light of Mine. My grandma used to sing that song. This Little Light of Mine. I like it, & it makes me think of her & how sweet she was. So I'm teaching Quinn to let it shine, even though I don't have a pretty voice, & even though I can't remember the words to 98% of the other songs I knew as a child. We'll learn together I suppose. I got desperate the other day & pulled up the iPhone app I have for the Primary songbook. I bet we sang at least 1/4th of the songs. I'm working on finding children's music that isn't lame. Missy introduced me to Elizabeth Mitchell. I like Renee & Jeremy, too (It's a Big World makes me want to cry).
It's a big world baby & you're little, for a little while...
Speaking of Primary, which makes me think of church, which makes me think of praying - I'm admittedly one of those people who is more diligent in my prayers when things are either really awesome (lots of blessings!) or really hard (I need help!). Lately, there's been lots of prayers in the help category. I think Heavenly Father has been really patient with my constant, sometimes really short, sometimes thrown up while crossing the street or changing a diaper prayers, even though some of them sound like Heavenly Father, I just need my boobs to stop hurting for a couple of hours. Like, I really, really might just lose it if they don't stop hurting. Can you help? I am grateful for answered prayers for things that are seemingly pretty insignificant in the eternal scheme of things, because it solidifies my knowledge that I'm watched over & never alone, even if it's required that I carry some of the responsibilities solo.
I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.
Next week! My sister Tara is coming to visit. My brother Patrick + Kera are coming to visit. Amazing! I so very excited, even if maybe I won't be able to be quite as adventurous as I'd like to be. I can still get out, I just have to figure out how / where to breastfeed in public. My biggest fear.
8 comments:
I'm going to try to find you the CD I listened to with all my babies. Ellie literaly fell asleep to it every night until she was 5. You are doing great. I've been told first babies are sort of like lab rats in that you sort of experiment to see what works, and then with numnber 2 it's easier and not quite so stressfull. I'm excited to come! I'm bringing my walking shoes and yoga pants and you can nap for four days if you want. Can't wait!!
I love reading your adventures into motherhood.
It brings back lots of memories of having
my first. The lack of sleep is the hardest for me
and I am slighty dreading it this third time
around.
I never had an issue with breastfeeding in public
But I know for some it is an issue. Good luck!
And the quick thrown up prayers never stop.
I still find myself doing it. Like please let my boys
Go to sleep and stop giggling and playing
Around.
You're doing great!
Oh Kathryn don't be so hard on yourself. You are an amazing mother. I can tell already. You don't have to "think you can." You are doing it! As for the not knowing what you're doing. None of us do. Just fake it till you make it. :) And oh I remember the fatigue and melt downs. Good news it gets better, and so much easier. And yay for Dr. Julie! Miss her everyday! Okay have a great day, and take a tap!
K - You are amazing! Reading this brings back memories from less than three months ago. Newbornland is hard. It's hard. And I think it is harder on the mom than the baby. But guess what? You're doing an awesome job! Just keep telling yourself that. Even when your boobs hurt and you know it's time for Q to eat and you want to quit breastfeeding. At some point it gets better and one day you'll even forget about how hard it was. Even with baby #2, I still have to remind myself.
Hang in there. We are coming to see you and to hold baby Quinn. I could care less if we do anything in NY. We could even just go get you food every meal and have picnics in your living room everyday!
When my mom came out to visit, I would pump in the middle of the night and she would take those feedings. It saved me, and my boobs! Want me to take Q's middle of the night feedings :)
It does get better. It does. Well, maybe it gets easier. Or, you just get used to it? It's been three and a half years and it's still hard. But, it's pretty awesome too.
Sigh.
I know I said the same prayers about the boobs. My shoulders would tense up so much that I would remind myself to relax and slowly they would come down from my ears! You're doing awesome. The lack of sleep with my first was killer too. For some reason I don't remember it being quite so bad with my second, but maybe I was just more prepared. He'll get older (and sleep better) and soon he'll giggle and you'll just fall over at that.
breastfeeding in public was one of mine, too. and especially in nyc. sometime we'd have to duck into a cafe and find a booth and order something. but do you have a nursing cover? if not, i will send you one. let me know.
p.s. you're a natural. motherhood looks good on you.
Post a Comment