Big chair, little boy.

I'm hundreds of photos behind. Hundreds! This makes me feel like I'm absolutely, totally drowning. I was telling friend Erin recently that my photography is really my only hobby these days - my only creative outlet, & really the only thing that I do for myself (my hair has been blow dried less than a half-dozen times in the past 10 weeks, I'm certain...). And really, for myself really means my family. Selfless me! Anyway, when I don't get to it, I start to feel like I'm losing a bit of myself, that I'm getting swallowed up by the work of mothering without any breathing room to center myself. I'm grateful for it, of course - staying home with my boys, all of it - but finding balance is virtually impossible right now. I appreciate that it's just a phase, & I'm able to see the forest for the trees (just barely), but still. I'm in it. The trenches of motherhood are no joke.

So, I'm behind. Perpetually, in a lot of different areas. And these photos are from a few weeks ago, but I like them today - especially since I've had a sad boy all week. In this chair in the morning light coming in our bedroom window, he's happy & sweet & bright eyed. That's my Quinn.

I was singing West a song last night while putting him down for bed & Q ran into the nursery (as he often does) & suddenly wanted Up! Up! into the chair with us. So I scooted over, swooped up my seemingly giant two year old & plopped him down next to me while I finished off my lullaby. Q then of course requested Itsy!! (The Itsy Bitsy Spider) & ABC!! (his second favorite song right now - I'm sure I sang it 50 times yesterday). My first thought was that my current situation was ridiculous, with all of us piled into the chair (not to mention the fact that Mike is out of town, & the dinner / bedtime hours are absolute, complete madness - I haven't quite figured out how to do it on my own yet without at least one of us being in tears at all times). My second thought was that I'm really lucky to have these two boys - chaos & all. 

But the chaos! Oh boy. The highlight of my week was holding sweet baby West who had just woken up from a nap & turning the corner of my stairs to see vomit all the way down. Q threw up one more time (for good measure) when I reached him, & then looked at me with a smile & said, Choo choo!! (But seriously? A crying + hungry baby & a toddler + carpet covered in puke!? It could have been in a movie, or at least a commercial for Xanax.) This was after we'd already done a 6am load of laundry with all of Q's bedding & furry friends earlier that day. He was not thrilled about Donkey getting a bath, but I was not thrilled about the upper level of my house smelling like throw up. 

(The carpets get cleaned on Monday.) 

After a week of Q waking up at various hours of the night (4am yesterday morning - & never going back to sleep) I had my sitter come over in the afternoon so that I could take some deep breaths in the form of errands + retail therapy without my entourage (wandering the aisles of The Container Store alone is sometimes good for my soul). I really like her, & I'm quite comfortable leaving my babies with her. But still, I'm sort of Type-A (understatement) & probably a  little overbearing (go figure) & when I asked her today how crazy I am on a scale of 1-10 (I may have texted her a few times too many this afternoon) she just laughed & & said, Of course you're worried! They're so little. Bless her heart. All of the anxious feelings I'd had leaving that afternoon flew away. She's a gem, & she didn't even flinch when I showed her the little long list I'd made just because!! of fun things to do with Quinn. You know, in case she's bored with a toddler & an infant. Or Q just wants to play with the iPad, & she can't possibly think of anything else to do. Since it's not like she's ever babysat before or is the oldest of several children. Of course.

(If I had my way, there would be check marks on that list by the time I returned home, along with a description of the activities performed. Like I said. Overbearing. At least I'm self aware!)

Today is Friday! Both of my boys slept through the night (for West, that currently means 10-5ish) & Q finally woke up happy.  Mike's plane touches down in 9 hours - not that I'm counting.