I met an old (er) man at church today for the first time, joining in on the conversation he was having with Mike as he was waiting for me after Relief Society. After about 15 precious seconds of getting to know him ("Hello, how are you, lovely meeting today, wasn't it?"), he asked if we were planning on having children any time soon. I paused awkwardly (as this is my very least favorite question to be asked- I find it completely tactless), as he then proceeded to ask if I was one of the girls in the ward who is newly pregnant & nauseous. I told him that I would let him know as soon as I was expecting, then kicked myself for not thinking of a more clever response.
I do not enjoy being asked about when my husband and I plan to conceive a child. I do not appreciate people thinking that my decision to become a mother is any of their business. I find this question invasive, rude, intensely private & tacky- especially when it comes from people who have not known me long enough to remember (or even ask!) my first name. I found myself getting angry during this brief yet incredibly personal conversation, and left to talk to a friend standing nearby who has had similar problem's with people's lack of boundaries. We came up with several good ideas for those awkward times when asked such a personal question:
1) Ask if they think I have gotten fatter since the last time they saw me- otherwise, why would they ask such a thing?
2) In the case of old people (such as this man), ask if they are planning on dying anytime soon. Equally rude & insensitive, I think.
3) Let them know that we [insert way-too personal response here- e.g. can't have kids, don't want kids, lack of uterus, impotency, bad marriage, etc]
4) Tell them that my money & my career are far more important than children
These are not all true, nor appropriate at this point, but I'm brainstorming to come up with a real winner of a response. As my friend Becca said, I need to come up with a zinger- something that is sweet, while still getting the point across that it is absolutely none of their business & they should know better than to ask. Any ideas?
All of this being said... My father in law told Mike once to "assume good will". I agree with this, to a point. Despite people's best intentions, many still need work on their social skills.
I do not enjoy being asked about when my husband and I plan to conceive a child. I do not appreciate people thinking that my decision to become a mother is any of their business. I find this question invasive, rude, intensely private & tacky- especially when it comes from people who have not known me long enough to remember (or even ask!) my first name. I found myself getting angry during this brief yet incredibly personal conversation, and left to talk to a friend standing nearby who has had similar problem's with people's lack of boundaries. We came up with several good ideas for those awkward times when asked such a personal question:
1) Ask if they think I have gotten fatter since the last time they saw me- otherwise, why would they ask such a thing?
2) In the case of old people (such as this man), ask if they are planning on dying anytime soon. Equally rude & insensitive, I think.
3) Let them know that we [insert way-too personal response here- e.g. can't have kids, don't want kids, lack of uterus, impotency, bad marriage, etc]
4) Tell them that my money & my career are far more important than children
These are not all true, nor appropriate at this point, but I'm brainstorming to come up with a real winner of a response. As my friend Becca said, I need to come up with a zinger- something that is sweet, while still getting the point across that it is absolutely none of their business & they should know better than to ask. Any ideas?
All of this being said... My father in law told Mike once to "assume good will". I agree with this, to a point. Despite people's best intentions, many still need work on their social skills.
And, of course, the exception- I'm happy to take honest questions from my family. Just don't be surprised when you get an equally honest response.
1 comment:
I totally agree with everything you said here...its none of their business and its rude to ask such a personal question. I like the responses you came up with...you should try one out next time you get asked. :)You could also say, "well, we have actually been trying for 3 years and havn't been able to get pregnant" ...just make em feel horrible for asking :)
Post a Comment